The Worst Games Ever: The Wall Street Kid

THE WALL STREET KID (NES)

This game set the standard for boring as hell, you’re some kid whose uncles died and being the last remaining heir they picked him. You’re character is smiling like a little jerk while he’s getting told about his dead family. You get £500,000 to invest and in a month you must buy a house worth £1,000,000. To be honest I couldn’t wait to waste and generally fuck up my money, but you can’t. Every stock is either getting strong or massive and it’s just so easy, it tells you which ones are awesome. The phone says rrrrr, and your descent into madness begins. You’re estate agent says he’ll get you a house and then you start investing.

Some of the options you can choose like pampering your girlfriend are in the most ridiculous. To pamper her click on the plant-pot, whose idea was that? I was also looking forward to drowning myself in stock names to choose, there are 20. 20 stocks to choose from, shall I pick Pan Man or Firedman’s? Also, did they forget that kids don’t care about the stock market? Do they know whether a low exchange is good or a high price is bad, there are 7 year old kids who will be playing this going “What?” I decided to click on the question mark and learn about stock prices for £500, I didn’t know what he was talking about. I decided to pamper Prisila, not Pricilla the right way of spelling it, Prisila. I decided to take her shopping she said. “Thank you honey, I’ll enjoy those four hours.” Why couldn’t she just say shopping time? After about ten minutes of staring at an ancient computer in front of a green wall I quitted. I couldn’t take much more. I’ll just point out you have the choice to enjoy time yourself; I tried swimming “Sorry. We’re closed.” Then, the gym. “Sorry. We’re closed.” Then, hiking. “Sorry. The hiking trail is closed.” Bullshit.

In case you’re that kind of guy who likes unemployment simulations. Or, staring at office supplies and a green wall. Stay well away from the Wall Street Kid. Maybe you prefer horrific Nintendo music lasting twenty two seconds looping no matter what. One last thing is character intros. The lofty lawyer. The ruthless banker. The crafty consultant. I don’t care they don’t speak and have no motion and you can only see their faces, do you think I’ll really care about those personalities?

Wanna play this suck fest? Copy and paste below. Masochist. http://www.coolrom.com/roms/nes/2012/Wall_Street_Kid,php